The Gray Bunny (graybunny) wrote,
The Gray Bunny

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Stress disorders

I've never believed that I was invincible. Or maybe I did. Things have always worked out for me, somehow. I knew intellectually that they didn't have to, but it was hard to really worry about it.

Well, that's all gone. I've had my nose rubbed in the fact that random horror may enter my life at any time. The sound of my phone ringing can set off a panic attack, and sometimes it's hard for me to check my mailbox, or even my email. When I thought about going out to get some dinner last night, it was very hard to convince myself that it was OK to leave my little hideyhole, that nothing was going to happen and even if it did, being at Wendy's wouldn't make it any worse.

For all that's happened to me, I know people who have it worse. And jeez, what about soldiers? Or even police and emergency workers? People who have to face some really brutal realities.

How do they cope? How do I cope? I can't go through life forever in a defensive position, holed up and waiting for the next bad thing to happen, and getting random panic attacks.

I dunno. I guess only time can help, enough time when things are going OK and nothing bad happens. I hope so.

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